{SOMEWHERE OVER THE RAINBOW.}

Wednesday, January 18, 2006

I realised that i'm actually an introvert. i don like, or rather, am scared to mix with people that i don noe... i've always thought that i'm an extrovert, but i'm not. i don know what have gotten into me these few days, i feel forgotten by everyone. what a nice thought~~ maybe i shld just find a place where no one knows me and stay there forever.. away from everyone i know. i don like mixing around in crowds, i don like to be in the limelight, i don like to socialise that much, i just want to be alone. i always think that walking on the beach alone would be a very lonely thing to do, but after doing that myself, i feel that it is not bad after all. the walk makes u think alot and i've thought through many things, regarding my music, my studies, my feelings... and some things i realised i shld just give up instead of clinging onto them. it's really a waste of my time to do so.

syco's going to start soon, and i'm all alone again. if only xq's there too, then at least i have a companion. i hate that place... if not for that promise i made last yr, i would not be in it at all. i hate the hypocrisy in it, i hate the atmosphere and i hate how members treat one another. why do we want to compete to the extent of not talking to each other? i've already given up being so competitive and i realli hope that most would do so, but i very well know the answer's a no. we play music because it is our passion, not because we want to see who's better and who's got more prizes. yes, it's also good to compete, but overly competitive would only lead to failure. i know i'm contradicting myself here, but it's the truth. it took me very long to realise that what i've been thinking all along is wrong, until someone told me and correct me. now, i feel happy playing my music, and not stressed because i don go and waste my time thinking who's better than me and forcing myself to practise to excel further in order to win that person.

i, too, hate it when people befriend you just because you're popular or you're of any value to them. it's soo ridiculous to do so. why cant u people be normal and stop acting like that? one day people will know who u truely are, and by then no one's going to bother abt u anymore. STOP acting nice in front of people while you're backstabbing them behind their backs. it's totally despicable. and PLS, don pretend to be an angel in front of everybody, i hate it--alot!!!

but i realli want to thank xue qi for always being there for me, being it sad or happy. and sharing tips with me. i hope our friendship will last long. THANKS!!!

5:26 PM;

Tuesday, January 03, 2006

first day of school.

but... i didnt apply for any schools so for the whole of today, i've just been practising my pipa. it's just purely practising, and doing nothing else. HAI. i regretted not applying for any schools.. so boring at home!!! gosh, how am i going to survive like that for three mths?! i think the only thing that i'm going to do these three mths is practise practise and more practise, and going for music lessons..

hai don feel like typing le.. bye.

10:39 PM;